Through the Bible in a Year Reading Plan and Challenge
End of month check in…Are you still with us? Let us know! How has this kind of reading changed the way you view Scripture, God, God’s history with us…anything in particular?
Sunday, February 28 Catch up and reflect
Monday, March 1 Numbers 7-8, Mark 5
Tuesday, March 2 Numbers 9-12, Mark 6:1-32
Wednesday, March 3 Numbers 13-14, Mark 6:33-56
Thursday, March 4 Numbers 15-17, Mark 7:1-13
Friday, March 5 Numbers 18-20, Mark 7:14-8:21
Saturday, March 6 Numbers 21-25, Mark 8:22-38
Question for this week’s reading: What missionary do we meet in this week’s reading of the book of Mark?
OUT: Accept them as they are
What does that mean in practical terms?
I caught part of a statement in the news the other day that I’ve heard a thousand times before. This time I actually heard it well enough to need to think about it.
Imagine what this country would be like if we would all just accept everyone as they are.
It sounds good. It sounds like a good step toward reconciliation and getting along.
Just accept people for who they are.
Sounds great. But…what exactly does that mean?
Let’s break it down a little.
Every individual in the human race is vastly different from every other in multiple ways.
External differences include our skin color, physical features, background, the personal story of where we’ve been and what we’ve experienced. We all have myriad internal differences as well: varying beliefs formed by uncountable of influences large and small, different ways we’ve learned or are predisposed to think, process, or express ourselves.
Sometimes it’s just the external difference that causes us to draw back, intentionally or unconsciously. What triggers the most visceral reaction is usually behavior stemming from beliefs, actions that are completely contrary to what seems like right and common sense.
So how to “just accept” everyone for who they are? You and I both know it isn’t like we can just flip a switch.
Here are some ideas to assimilate.
Different is just different
Different doesn’t automatically mean wrong or bad. Most of the time, it’s just different.
It might be tempting to take differences personally, to worry that you’re less than or wrong—or secretly tell yourself that you’re right and better than.
Different is just different. It’s OK to be different. Imagine how boring the place would be if we were all exactly the same. Nobody wants a life that predictable.
Listen to yourself
When you’re feeling the pressure to make a value judgment around someone different, check your own impulses and thoughts.
Are you evaluating the other according to your standards? What makes your standards the right ones to go by? Where do your standards come from?
Does what they’re doing “wrong” reflect something you dislike about yourself? What does this tell you about work you may have to do on your own stuff instead of deflecting judgment back on others?
Are you focusing only on what displeases or scares you? What good can you see in the other person?
Finally, is it a true fault in either of you that needs to be corrected? Or is it just a tendency in your wiring which, while you don’t like it, it really can be tolerated?
Loving
There might be a time you can’t get your mind to be OK with it and you have to invite Jesus to come with you and just get out there and engage. Remember, that’s someone God created and loves just as much as you.
Serve them even though you don’t understand them and they scare you.
Show them the acceptance they might not feel from anyone else, even while you’re struggling to reconcile what you perceive and feel.
Speak kindly. Look them in the eye. Let them talk. Ask them more. Don’t show that you’re irritated or horrified or bewildered.
Share what you have. Wash their feet—metaphorically, or literally, if it happens to work out that way.
Make no demands.
When you love with your outward actions, your heart will likely follow. Your mind can make adjustments as you go.
But this really is bad
What about those whose choices are self-willed and sinful, based on lies and self-protection? What about those who are hurting themselves and others? How do we in the church show Jesus’ love to accept them as they are and respond to them as Jesus would have?
That answer depends in part on whether or not they call themselves Christians.
If they do not claim to be Christians, do we even have a right to call them on anything? According to 1 Corinthians 5:12-13, we don’t.
For what business of mine is it to judge outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges.
Barring the influence of the Holy Spirit, those who don’t recognize God will act according to the flesh every time. So we can put aside our expectations and love them as God loves them, being an example of another way to live. We can express our beliefs matter-of-factly and without communicating judgment or rejection for them.
“Well, I think a little differently. If you’re interested sometime I’d like to hear about what makes you think that way and I’ll share how I came to my conclusions.”
The hope is that the ideas we bring up in conversation and personal example will make them curious and lead them to be saved and transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit.
For those who call themselves Christians, Matthew 18:15-17 describes the process of church discipline. If we follow those steps and our brother or sister continues in sin, we are to treat them as we would the outsiders—that is with love and good will, until perhaps, they are convicted and transformed. Until that point, the nature of our fellowship might need to change.
Acceptance of people does not mean being OK with what we disagree with. We can mutually acknowledge that we see things differently yet remain friends, find compromise, work toward a common cause side by side, even enjoy each other’s friendship. We can continue to extend peace and acknowledgement of the other even while their behavior rubs us the wrong way.
Cues that you might be refusing to accept someone for who they are
I believe such behaviors are both unconscious and deliberate. Much of what we do bubbles up from internal processes. Science continues to reveal how deeply and unconsciously we operate from biases we aren’t even aware of. Unconscious bias doesn’t make us evil—it’s just how our brains sort and cope with the bajillions of bits of info that create reality. Also, we’re good at rationalizing what we do.
But evil can certainly come from unexamined bias and rationalization.
Ignoring or avoiding them
Disrespecting and treating them poorly or abusively—by actions, words, or thoughts
Discounting their ability to contribute, refusing the let them participate, sabotaging what they do accomplish
Refusal or resistance to associating with them or working together
Desire to control or change them
Instant anger, frustration, resentment or the like when you think of the person
What it may cost
Practicing acceptance of others will change the world. It will change you. It will cost you.
Getting out of your comfort zone
Deliberately engaging with someone you probably wouldn’t otherwise connect with
Being honest about what you believe, why you believe it, or decisions you’ve made to think about something differently
Discovering that you were wrong about something. Having to admit being wrong, asking forgiveness, and working for reconciliation
Seeing people and possibly groups of people differently. Interacting with them differently
Forgiving someone
Having to interact with friends and family differently because of how you’ve changed
What you stand to gain
Doing the work of accepting others with understanding—not just uncontemplated tolerance with no point of positive connection—will also expand you.
Clearer knowledge of yourself, what you believe, and what you’re about
Self control
Freedom from having to have control or protect yourself and your interests
New friends
New perspective on how other people live
New ways to get out there and make a difference in your part of the world
Accepting people does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact upon you…. [R]emember that you can still disagree with, make requests of, or stand up to other people - while accepting them fully….You can still take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others. Or you can simply let people be. Either way, you accept the reality of the other person. You may not like it, you may not prefer it, you may feel sad or angry about it, but at a deeper level, you are at peace with it. Rick Hanson
There will always be differences with people we’ll have to navigate. Some reconciliation will never be reached on this plane. But that is no excuse to keep from trying.
What would this world look like if we’d all just accept one another for who we are?
Toward the promise,
Lana
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All Bible verses are from the NASB unless otherwise noted. Image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay
© Lana Wildman
Disclaimer: I frequently link to articles that support the points I am making or sites that seem to be good resources. Such linking does not mean that I endorse everything found through those links. If you find something objectionable in something I link to, please bring your concern to me (lanawildman@post.com) Thanks!