As you know, there are a thousand variations of the advice to cut the problem people out of your life, walk away, take care of yourself.
It’s true, there’s only so much you can do with those who don’t recognize--or don’t care--that their behavior causes problems for others. You try to reason with them, ask nicely, or sometimes manipulate and threaten. You can try to conduct yourself toward them as though there is no problem, that is, continue to treat them respectfully and don’t bring up the problem. But eventually there’s the point at which it can no longer be avoided: it’s time to stop pouring energy into the non-responsive so you can do well with what you can impact. The actual cutting of ties and getting away from the negative impact may or may not be so easy, but it’s important to not let others detract from our own moving forward.
I agree that we can only be responsible for our own actions and responses, and it can become counterproductive to keep trying to influence and change others. Too much unrequited effort can make you crazy. It seems to be that experiencing the final and full fallout of their actions is all that will get some people’s attention.
Sometimes cutting off all contact is critical for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual safety. I don’t believe God calls us to stay in a place of harm.
But...and this is something I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about...I think it’s important to keep the channels clear, keep the door open. When the distance has been gained, when change has been indicated, what about establishing a way to stay in contact so they know you’re willing to resume the relationship and work out things out?
If that aggravating, hurtful person wants to change, will I be willing to come alongside them and share the potentially bumpy road back into fellowship--back into the body of Christ, into the family, into my circle of friends? Will I perhaps be their only positive relationship at all if their actions were so alienating that no one else is willing to have anything to do with them at all?
Or will my own behavior toward them have been equally awful, so that they don’t even begin to imagine me an option for renewed relationship?
I disagree that it’s OK to write someone off for good with no backward look. And I’m not saying everything starts back up as though nothing ever happened. Go forward with caution, of course, with careful boundaries, until the change is found to be firm. But every single one of us wants a hand reaching back to help us forward, and Jesus Christ did that for us. He pursues us when we want to give up on ourselves. The repeated example and calling in Scripture is reconciliation.
How to maintain the separation and extend willingness to reconnect at the same time? Prayerfully, for sure. Practically? That is the question.
Toward the promise,
Lana
#252
Listen to me
In life
We receive
and we give back
There is no use denying it
This is not because
Life
Is a giant zero-sum game
but because
All the world is cut off
from its best
And what is left is
beautiful terrible
The transactions go
every direction
11-7-22
Here’s the link to last week’s issue What I really want to say
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We just bring it to the Lord and then make the decision we need to at the time. We can't let people that don't want the truth to pull us under and wear us down to the point the enemy comes in when we are weak. Give it all to the Lord and look to Him.
I’m wrestling with this too.
Thanks for putting in writing 🙂