I lost April, somewhere between a violent Friday night spring storm and the sudden expansion of living green around my little house. March was decent and steady. April was sucked away into seismic shifting of foundations once again.
We laid Dad to rest next to Mom in Earlham, Iowa, 24 years and 11 months later, and now we are sorting out things in Kirksville. There will be an auction soon, and the house and shop will sell, and slowly Dad’s existence in NE Missouri will fade away.
Why did he pick Kirksville after Mom died? He wanted a bit of woods, and that’s where he found it. Cleared a few trees, built his cabin, eventually moved to the place off Highway 6. Fixed up a fabulous five-car garage just the way he wanted it. Poured himself into his church community. Got at least one deer every season, several of them toward the end there from the comfort of his dining room, through the narrowest gap in the sliding glass, as the deer wandered obliviously across his back yard on the way to their watering hole. Dad lived fully and I think he bowed out mostly on his own terms, for which I’m grateful.
Next Generation Recreation moved into new space this last week. We are no longer five of us in 800 square feet; now we can close office doors against exuberant conversations and maintain focus easier. The new place is less than a mile from my home, which pleases me perhaps more than it should. We also hired a new sales rep with 30+ years in an adjacent industry who is eager to share his contacts and perspective to help accelerate our growth. Both of these changes should be very, very good for us.
For my part, I continue to do things that surprise me, including going back every day and not minding. The upheaval of suddenly taking on the bookkeeper’s duties has leveled off somewhat, but everyday is still uphill both ways. It’s been good for me to have something to do that gets me outside myself but at the end of the day I’m wiped out.
We finally got John’s memorial bench placed at Gashland EPC. It looks very nice and is very comfortable, for something made out of steel. If you go find it, you’ll see a gouge across one of the slats. It looks like it was done at the factory and powdercoated over, shipped that way. We didn’t look inside the packaging when it arrived because there was no evidence of damage from the outside, but there it was when we opened it up. So now we’re working out what needs to be done about this.
John would want it to be made right. This is another of several issues just now I should be fighting for, insisting that things be made right. But I’m tired--I just want to be done working so hard to get some loops closed. I think about wrongdoers standing before God and finally owning what they did, the willfully incompetent finally tasting the fruit of their negligence. I think about the Amish, who left things imperfect or build flaws in because only God can create perfectly. I want to let this one go.
I guess we’ll see.
The collaboration with Michelle of course took a hit. There was no deadline, no clear shape of things to come. But our time together has revolved around other things. Which is really OK. I’m noodling over a quilt project anyway...there’s a great deal of good therapy in cutting straight lines, laying out squares, sewing straight lines. Order out of chaos. Wouldn’t be the first time the sewing machine has saved my life. Will it be some random baby quilts or a whole bed project?
Again, we shall see.
In the meantime, always
toward the promise,
Lana
#373
Where are You
best found O Lord?
In Your word?
Among Your people?
In the prayer closet?
In our songs of praise?
I hear You whisper
Yes
Here
And also
There
You seem a moving target
Not close into my tendencies
Sometimes You break
my heart
By not staying where I
left You
Face to face the promise is
Until then I know
the shifting shadows
Are just the broken world
and me
3-26-23
#386
God in Heaven
As You know
Again we find ourselves
at extremity
Swarmed
With nuances and implications
We never thought we’d
have to trace
We are face to face
with frailty
Bound into uneasy companionship
of relief and disbelief
And so we reckon
And look for a way
to remain convinced
to go forward
To make space for the one of us who
in his extremity
Could not
My posting has been a little spotty lately. Look around here for earlier issues you might like a little better.
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So much going on in your life. . . sorry about your Dad's death and John's memorial bench not being right. Good about your job space and being close to your home and employment that helps us all pay our bills. Blessings to you Lana.
You certainly are having various life events simultaneously. It just can't be avoided, because life is buzzing all around us, and it doesn't get our permission, or look at our calendar and schedule everything at an acceptable pace. You are doing well to walk through it and get done what must be done. May God give continue to give you Grace and Peace.