Teach me Your way, Lord; I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name. Psalm 86:8-12
Unite my heart. This is an overarching prayer of mine, that my confused and self-centered thinking, my mixed motives, my fears and dreams—all the ideas and goals and intentions that synthesize into my self, my heart, all my stuff, would come together in line with God’s truth. So that I could indeed walk in sincere reverence of God’s name.
This is pretty basic. Everyone navigates daily tension with shoulds and oughts, want tos and don’t want tos, hopes and fears and disappointments. Those of us who call ourselves Christians have what seems like a huge array of instructions. And we know that we need to have our hearts united, running hard after that one thing and not scattered toward all kinds of loyalties.
This is how it is.
Somewhere along the way, some number of years ago, I saw the word UNITE as UNTIE while I was reading, and a light bulb went on for me.
Untie my heart…
Untie my heart from all the conflicting ideas I harbor.
Untie my heart from the lies I tend to believe.
Untie my heart from the distracting desires and wonky priorities I regularly negotiate with.
In addition to asking God to continue to do the work in me that pulls the right pieces together, I can invite Him to disentangle my heart as well.
Again, not a complicated idea. But it takes a lot of weight off to think that God is not merely on the sideline coaching me, cheering for me to make all the right choices moment by moment. He is also actively tagging the stuff I don’t need to spend time on, the concepts I don’t need to even consider. This narrows the range of options, so that I spend less energy trying to steer straight.
Such a relief.
…
Of course, this one needs no explanation. It’s certainly not original, just a nice little visual.
Which I have needed these days, as I sort and pack and find new homes for pieces of my life. My comfort and sense of safety in this space is coming inexorably to an end. The future is still just too foggy to appreciate. But it’s the only direction available to go just now. Complete resistance via meltdown isn’t my style.
So I do it.
…
I have kind of done the “word of the year” thing, although it’s been more of a “word of the season,” wherein my ponderings over a span of time keep cycling back to a consistent theme, and one word floats to the top. I make a small poster of it and tack it to the wall as a consistent reminder and watch how it plays out as I let it speak to me.
This is from the fall of 2020. Would I go back if I could? I’m glad I don’t have to decide this. At that time, God was reminding me that I see so little, comprehend so little, expect so small, that I find contentment with control and safety instead of trust and adventure. That season was full of His reminders to abandon my expectations and desires and remain open to what He might be putting together.
The N has been on the other end of this word lately. Strongly. Insistently. Sometimes I permit that to be my answer to some of these terrible questions I find myself facing. But I know the hard pass is unworkable as a long-term option.
Leave that N on the front, turn it into an H. I still have a lot of that.
Or put the N back on the end and camp out there.
Either one. Both.
My stunned heart has a million broken threads, loose ends, too many to keep track of. The mornings are bad just now, when I think about what I have to do in the hours that stretch out. Why am I doing this instead of that, why must I make these kinds of decisions? What about this and that…so much…I’m overwhelmed and crowded by sadness.
But God is handling the loose ends. He reminds me hour by hour to drop my fear and my need to know; He’s untied those heavy burden and assures me that as I cast my cares on Him, He is sustaining me. He will not let the righteous fall (Psalm 55:22).
Day by day He ties together the wherewithal I need to take each next step.
May you likewise not quit, stay open, and find God untying your heart.
Toward the promise,
Lana
Here’s the link to the last issue Incongruity.
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I've recently heard that when it says -- fear the Lord-- it means respect. And back when I only knew it as "fear" I would remember the verse -- perfect love casts out fear. But either way, God gives peace. Sorry you have the flurry of moving after all that has transpired.
You had a nice word transition going on with the starting word - open -. God give you more grace , peace, joy and rest. Blessings to you Lana.