My friends, I want to write.
I want to play with words and all my ideas and make people think.
I want to encourage people and prod them toward God.
I want to get lost in the zone—I hope you know this for yourself—the zone, that locus of absorption where we mess about with the bits of the world through which we most clearly perceive reality and express it, where we grapple with the universe in its most compelling manifestations, where time disappears.
But it requires too much just now. The occasional glimmer of inspiration comes. And goes. My brain feels absolutely in the wrong space/time continuum.
The world out there is too much. Even the voices I like to challenge myself with are wrangling and jarring. That’s without even turning on the news. Today, another friend has died. Just a few weeks ago she was helping me clean the apartment I was leaving.
The new company is stretching all resources, requiring more of me just now. This is not such as bad thing. I can get into that zone productively enough, and it all serves admirable purposes, like getting things stabilized enough that the growing volume of business does not crush us. Like rent and peanut butter money. Like keeping me from being paralyzed trying to decide what to do today.
My own space will wait for me, until the right time. I will keep getting up in the mornings and listening to the Psalms for hours and drawing the occasional flower. I will have grace for myself, and I can see you nodding vigorously in agreement and hear you whisper Just rest…be at peace.
I must rest.
Sometimes our minds
are so full
and our hearts
are so broken
that the only prayer
we can find the words for
is ‘Lord have mercy’
but that is sufficient
enough to be a vessel
to rest the weight
of our helplessness (davidgate_)
That is sufficient.
Toward the promise,
Lana
Here’s the link to the last issue Vs. navel gazing.
Just keep playing with words. Sorry about your friend. I've had some friends die too and I want it to stop, but every one who has a human body will pass. Our bodies are temporary. So we must live in the mean time, Draw your flowers, play with words. I like to use my markers, changing the colors on my notes and reminders, and even prayer requests. It brightens up what I'm doing. And mostly spend time with God. He is the glue that holds us together. God Bless.